Whitney Chang's Blog
Night of the Ninja!
At tonight's gala discussing the Mutant Registration bill, there was an assassination attempt on the life of Greek Diplomat Hugo Natchios! Close sources say that Ninjas were involved, and how is Senator Robert Kelley connected?
Hold your Heart
According to sources close to me, a super-powered Neo Nazi spy was spotted in a warehouse here in New York! She was considered armed and dangerous, but luckily the building was bombed in an air strike. The powered Nazi woman appears to have been killed in the operation.
Ghost Among Us?
Students at ESU claim to have seen ghosts on campus. While this is usually dismissed as superstition, some say the Silver Specter resembles former student Tonda Dibny, accompanied by Shawnice Jackson. Jackson was killed at the Stark Expo, and Dibny has been missing ever since. Given the mystery behind the loss of the two girls, perhaps there's more to this ghost story than meets the eye!
BIG Problems at Sea
Some fishermen returned to port in a state of delirium, shouting about space ships falling from the sky and giant men in the water. My sources can't confirm any useful details, but if there is a giant man attacking a spaceship in the Atlantic, this reporter will be the first to know!
Silent Vigilante Wages War on Crime
As long time readers know, I've been covering the Rigoletto crime family for years. And it seems a new player has entered the fray. Dennis Carradine, and 'Smitty', two of Rigoletto's top pushers, have been found deceased at some pretty gnarly crime scenes. Due to there being no witnesses left, criminals have taken to calling this vigilante The Silencer.
Lance Family Scandal
Stock broker Landon Lance finds himself in a swirl of controversy, as new details from his past come to light. Sources inform me that Lance impregnated a woman years ago, and attempted to pay her a mere $5000 in hush money. When that didn't work, he had the woman framed and sent to prison, where she died. Lance could not be reached for comment.
Accusations Plague Senator Kelly's Race for Mayor
Amidst his campaign for Mayor, Senator Kelly has encountered several accusations that give voters pause. Not only is there an investigation into his involvement with the attempted murder of Hugo Natchios, but my sources tell me he is involved in a drug racket with Landon Lance! More as the story develops.
Girls seem to be swooning over a pretty boy who has been seen, quote, "bringing the thunder". Who is this man that has fists of lightning? Why doesn't he wear a shirt? Is he really as sexy as he thinks he is? Please call the Daily Bugle tip line to report any sightings of this "Thunderclaw", and I will get to the bottom of this!
Ungrateful Youth, or Unfair Work Conditions?
There has been a surge in unemployment with young workers seeking jobs. Many have taken to merely walking off the job, no two-week notice. Employers blame these unprofessional tactics on lazy and ungrateful young adults, but is it the employers, or the employees who are in the right?
Natchios Behind Bars!
Dangerous criminal Hugo Natchios was outed as the leader of the mysterious Ninja clan known as The Hand. His daughter, Elektra, was also implicated as one of their lieutenants, and taken into custody as well. The world is that much safer with Natchios off the streets!
Jess Drew, and a Baby Too!
Celebrity Superhero Jess Drew is pregnant! She's playing coy on the sex, but says a gender reveal is imminent! The real question is, who is the father? Could it possibly be ex-boyfriend, Private Security Specialist, and Scottish hunk Shawn McGuinness? Keep it on the Bugle to find out!
Dibny's Home for Displaced Children
Daughter of super detectives Ralph and Sue Dibny, Tonda, has opened an orphanage for displaced children. With her parents solving missing children cases all the time, sometimes the kids have nowhere to go back to. But with a generous loan from her good friend Lucas Lance, and her parent's blessing, Tonda has created a place for them to go, when no one else will look out for them.
Pym Solves World Hunger!
Dr. Henry "Hank" Pym has shared his invention, the Pym Particle, with the world! With his partner, in the lab and in life, Janet Van Dyne, the two have created super crops that are up to 20 times the size of average agricultural products! With this new innovation, the food crisis in 3rd world countries will no longer be a problem!
McGuinness Nabs Military Contract over Stark!
Shawn McGuinness, head of Scotsman Security Solutions, won the several month long battle against Stark Industries for the S.H.I.E.L.D. military contract! SSS will now be the sole provider for all S.H.I.E.L.D. tech and weaponry. "It's because he's got that Westbrook kid on his payroll!" Stark claimed, referring to Joshua Westbrook, whose startup weapons R&D company E.G.G. was purchased by McGuinness years ago after Stark declined a buyout. A decision he's surely kicking himself for now!
Yes, More Mutants!
Stock broker Landon Lance finds himself in the spotlight once again, as he donated an untold amount of money to the Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. "This money will help the school, and the students, thrive," stated Professor Charles Xavier. "We are very fortunate that the Lances are allies to mutant-kind." Lance's generosity isn't done, however, because tonight is the gala to raise money for the Mutant Awareness Act, which is already being hailed as the event of the decade!
Guests of the Gala!
Mayor Kelly, known ally to mutant-kind and the Xavier Institute, has confirmed that he will be present for the Gala tonight at the Lance residence! Jess Drew will also be in attendance, and rumor is that Director Maria Hill from S.H.I.E.LD. will be there to show support! Talk about a star-studded night! The big question however: what will the prodigal daughter Lyla Lance and her girlfriend Tonda Dibny be wearing tonight!?
Lucas Lance to make Surprise Announcement?
Lucas Lance, the most eligible bachelor on the planet, has indicated that he has a special announcement planned for tonight! Could he finally be confirming that he and the sexy S.H.I.E.L.D. liaison Daisy Johnson are dating? After those steamy pictures (exclusively obtained by the Daily Bugle) last month, that may be the case! To the disappointment of many single women in New York, I'm sure.
Conquers Saves the Year 20[redacted]//
--- How are you-ppsdnfjfa TELL ME!!!!
------------ A new world iisaiikasndsnf i gavE yo-
Conqu- SAVIOR! addisnvja [redacted]
IT all________ iddmwk &^$@>?? ends.
Supervillains at Sea?
There have been rumors of a secret black site hidden underwater that houses 'super' criminals. It all sounds a little far fetched, but if there is some super secret raft out there full of super villains, this reporter will be the first to know about it!
Fury Lets his... Hair... Down?
It looks like the mysterious Nick Fury isn't a block of ice 24/7! The Director of the secretive government organization, S.H.I.E.L.D., was spotted having some fun in the sun the other day! Does this mean world threats are slowing down? Hopefully!
A small Native American village in the Canadian mountains claimed they were being terrorized by what reports were calling a Wendigo. This is a creature from myth, but the threat of destruction and missing people was very real! Luckily, the people have returned and the attacks have stopped, leaving the people to believe that the Wendigo is now Wendi-Gone! The highly prolific Spec-Ops team "The Wolfpack" has claimed credit for solving the problem, with their leader Justin Milan saying, quote, "Hashtag you're welcome."
Hollywood Sweetheart Whitney Frost MISSING!
Whitney Frost, last year's Best Actress Oscar winner for her Pepper Potts biopic Saving Stark, has gone missing! Last seen on the set of the latest Simon Williams action flick Werewolf by Night, Hollywood's hottest starlet seems to have disappeared from the spotlight! Even more mysterious is that Williams himself is said to have been mortally wounded on set, and the special effects supervisor Quentin Beck is wanted for questioning! I don't think I'm alone when I ask, what the hell happened on the set of Werewolf by Night!?
The End of D&D?
I, Whitney Chang, conclude my investigation in the multi-week hiatus of the popular and controversial role playing game. In this hard-hitting expose uncovering the truth, I found out what D&D truly stands for: Dead and Dusted. Full story available for our Daily Bugle Premium Subscribers!
Is Spider-Man a Mutant?
I know the word 'mutant' is a salacious buzz word in this day and age, but the wisecracking self-proclaimed 'hero' Spider-Man can stick to walls, spin spider webs, and is unnaturally strong and fast. I don't give a s*** if it's controversial, I'm calling it. Spider-Man is a f*****g Mutie! Fight me!
F*** The Wasp
I f*****g hate that tiny little s*** Janet Van Dyne, or "The Wasp". Of course she names herself after the most annoying insect on the planet. Why is her Tinker Bell @$$ even allowed on the Ultimates? It's probably because she's f*****g Hank Pym. Now that's one giant you-know-what I'd like in my you-know-where. But that skank Wasp gets all the fun. I hate her. Fight me!
Love is... Love?
So... that mutie terrorist Magneto... his kids are totally f*****g each other, right? Wanda and Pietro? Totally a thing. I mean, I'm not gonna kink shame here... incest is kinda sexy these days. Yeah, I said it! Fight me! Mutie on Mutie action though? Barf! Pass! Go die. F*****g Muties.
Ultimates: F***, Marry, Kill
Captain America: Kill. 40's Boy Scout. Boring!
Giant-Man: F***. Giant man = giant you-know-what.
Iron Man: Marry. Stark money, cha-ching!
Hawkeye: Kill. Fury's lapdog, boring.
Thor: F***. Tall hot blondie, yaaasss.
Black Widow: F***. Russian chick, could be fun.
Wasp: Kill! Kill! Kill! God I hate her. Fight me!
Where the F*** Did Reed Richards Go?
So Reed Richards and his Fantastic f*****g family left like, last month and no one's seen them since. So called 'genius', his dumb @$$ probably got them lost on Saturn. It already looks like some Scottish f****r, a goth chick, and some frat @$$hole took their place in the Baxter Building. That's what I saw at least. They were hanging out with that Mutie freak Spider-Man though, so f*** them. Fight me!